Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
