thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
