He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize