Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
