you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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