i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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