i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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