found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
