Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
