I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
