If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
