You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
