I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
