You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
