Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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