alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
