You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize