Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
