Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I love you.
Bad choice
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
