he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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