We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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