I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
