The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
