I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
