I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
