My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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