She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
