we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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