I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
