sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Two words: nipple clamps
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