wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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