I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
