Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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