It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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