Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
So apparently I’m into choking now
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