I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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