Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
40s are totally the cure
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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