if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
