I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
