The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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