Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i drank out of a bidet.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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