After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
