Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
