my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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