paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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