do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
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