she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
