went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
soo... how was my night?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
