No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
