I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
