Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
