I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
