i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Randomize
