im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Operation Purity has been aborted
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
