6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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