Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
