Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
