in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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