too bad you live with your parents still
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize