My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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