Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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