that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize