Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
