WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
