im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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