is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
