The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
