wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
