Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
We were destined to go to rehab together
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize