she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
