I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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