Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
