the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
