You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
