I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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