I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Girls should come with a carfax report
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
