I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just invented taco cereal.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
