it wasn't lemon gatorade
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Randomize
