You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Randomize
