Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
