It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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