Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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