I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
